Come to find out my husband has been in a relationship since June of this year with his co worker. At this point I do not know what to do. At first I dismissed this saying No you have to go if you cant love me but then I got to thinking maybe this is an opportunity to show him I realize my weaknesses and that I realize I caused him to loose his since of self and rebuild things between us. Told me not to worry about baby daddy. The feelings were still there for both of us. What can I do? I was happy we back with understanding that sperm donor is no one. In fact, please seek a person with a degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. But I respect her choice and stayed away. He became obsessed almost addicted to speaking to her. I ended up just removing everything and everyone from the Facebook account and gave him access to view it as he pleased. My wife and I have been together for nearly 6 years, 3 of which are married. You need a therapist who is wise and mature and non-judgmental, preferably one who recognizes both the impact of the past and the impact of ones present context. Youre message is inspiring although challenging to me. Thousands of questions fill the mind of a woman who has been raped by the man of her affections. The process is very well described in detail :) the interesting thing is falling in love again takes inputs from both persons and if the other person is not willing to be genuine and do their part to make up for the betrayal then it leaves one with suffering alternating with numbness which eventually overtakes (ie. Ive been so upset for 3 days because im going crazy and im nervous about what will happen if I talk to him. Is It normal to put up barriers to feel nothing and to cut people out of your life? Complaining? Right now Im giving her some space to think about it. Hi Sabrena, All in all, my intake sheets tell people this can all take up to two years of therapy. After all this time and so much love? Let him have a little fun since I cant right now. Perhaps youd like to imagine the worst-case scenario and allow yourself (in your imagination) to handle it more maturely than you would have in the past. Things were not good at home, and Ive always believed that he rescued me. I want to, and soon! If both people in a relationship can open thier minds to understand that there is nothing but Love in our classroom we are all living in, then healing happens and the heart is the winner for both. . Mind you he still lives in his car, he knows absolutely no one, and has no family close by. Together we have one 5yr old daughter. I also would get angry at her for little things and I emotionally hurt her every time we fought. He refuses to feel anything. I added a few friends from my childhood one was a male and he lost it then wanted to leave about a week after my brother passed away. The 15 Ideas For a Perfect First Date Are: As he is, he is a safety risk for your kids. You must remind these things to yourself every day because you have no reason to be desperate. My husband is a cheater after, I had twins it continue and I know that I care for him but down deep inside I hate him. Not about us, the breakup, the relationship, etc. One of those areas is the insular a brain region that determines the intensity of an emotion and how strongly we take it to be associated with what we perceive (in this case, the person). When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. I have been doing alot of soul searching. Just sex out of frustration and anger and an addiction to the feeling of being desired. There have been some mistakes in the past 9 years that hurt me over and over, and I stopped letting myself be vulnerable to them by closing myself off from him about 4 years ago. In a love-hate relationship, you love and hate each other with passion. Since June of 2016 we have been seeing a marriage counsellor and that has helped somewhat. Wow, thats awful. Ever since we had that fall out hes like a changed man. recently i abused him and told him that it is over but in actual sense i still love the guy. I know he loves me and says he wants me in his life in the future. I felt worse bc he took me off visitation and didnt call for awhile. I have experienced so much frustration and rejection over this. I love him deeply and genuinely and I know I am partly at fault for him feeling this way (like his needs dont matter, like he never did enough, like I cant accomplish the tasks he sees as so important, etc), but I dont know how to try and start the process of fixing it. This was before we met though. I have gone through difficult situations of betrayal with him and I lost trust in him then slowly we started in what you described as falling back in love and regaining that trust. This woman wants a whole person, I would guess. But a crush on someone else doesnt help one bit. Love and hate are important human affects that are of long-standing interest in psychology. They might but not as much as i thought. Hes not happy about that, but accepting. You need to find yourself academically, vocationally, spiritually, emotionally. This tells me that you actually lack some of the coping skills you need. When i did understand what she was missing and started working on that i havent felt any feedback from her, and when we talked about it she came clean about what she did. Did i mention he just got out? I was very ungrateful towards him. Talking with him doesnt help. His response to my asking why he couldnt make one of those phone calls in front of me is that He didnt have the courage to talk to her in my presence. Hi Shena Its easy to see when people are lying. :(. No one.. Out of blue she called me this Monday February 20 early in the morning on my way to work. Influenced mainly by a friend of his. she said I LOVE YOU, BUT I JUST DONT TRUST YOU. I believe my husband is bipolar. Its hard to see things turning around but I really want it to. I hope you would recollect my situation about my ex using ($$) me to her advantage and i have told you how she talked to me irresponsibly?. This may take time, and perhaps help from outside sources. If the problem was your lying, then the question is: why did you feel a need to lie? How do I know which decision is the one my heart is telling me to go towards, what is the best way to figure out if this relationship is going to be OK? He was rude, impatiend and miserable with me. madly in love with this girl..i keep drawing pictures He eventually put up a wall between us. Not your neighbours. He is more open with you. I really dont know what to think and how to have deeper conversations. Am welling to fight back, but i feel hes is not trying to put the effort into getting back together. I should have told him the truth, but I didnt want to lose him or hurt him by telling him. She will be going over to her friends after the kids go to bed for the foreseeable future. After reading this article I know now that my unfulfilled promises of improving myself had hurt him deeply. And done much worse. Please let me know what you think. Thank u so much. 4. The other was a semi-sexual relationship with a friend of his that I personally know is a bit of an attention seekershes hit on me more than once. I also hold a Master of Business Administration degree from the University of Maryland USA.I was raised by my adopted parents, though they were rich, i suffered a lot but im always grateful to them because they gave me life, may be without them i will be dead by now. This isnt as illogical as it sounds: keeping a distance creates an artificial feeling of safety. That is something he will have to work on. If you have a need to talk, then you are still insecure. My depression has not been easy and I know neither has been trying to be sober for him it just seems like there is no hope to get better and be a family. Hi Aran But u was no longer interested in the deal. You cannot respect the top until you have felt the bottom. I feel ultimate guilt, shame, disgust with myself, sorrow for hurting him and his mom And more. She does not want to fix it. Hi Tina, I texted D & asked her to return our vehicle immediately. He is trying hard to make time but the business doesnt give him a break. Dont for a minute think that these changes are just a matter of attitude. There is a reason why you were hurt and cold all this time. We both have had some trying experiences and abandonment issues before we got together. A few months after the incident we resumed our relationship. I was lonely. She name them like her baby needs stuff. :'( my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. Counselling and even medication might be excellent choices. What do we, the ones feeling repentant, do when we cant do anything? At the time i told him and we were arguing he would not let me talk without shooting down everything i said and still accused me of cheating. My BF will not leave unless i get a restarining order on him and the police tell him he has to leave. Was he afraid to show how committed he was to you? He left me because he says he isnt in love with me but still cares about me and he did love me. The most obvious scenario in which you hate and love a person at the same time is one in which your love is not reciprocated. Especially since it is only recently in which Ive started to figure out who I really am, beyond the grasp of my controlling family and safety blanket. We started off the relationship really happy with each other. That said, now I strongly urge you to get therapy to figure out where the anger came from and most importantly, how to look at Life in a healthier way so you dont get angry, especially not at innocent people. I feel so bad for what I have done to this woman that I truly love and respect! I didnt even think you cheated on him. reached a point that was the last straw and he was done. How can YOU be sure (let alone your wife) that you will NEVER in a hundred years do this again? Then now he has been saying he feels overwhelmed with the responsibility of a future with me as he has never had it. He started to act like his father. I was hurt. You feed his selfish ego. That is understandable. She is 33yrs old. Can I say something here? We started arguing and fighting everyday. They never met each other in person, but met over a social media website. Ive had a very similar experience when i was married with kids. He has been and so far will always be the one for me. THAT would require couples counseling. The neediness and the abuse all lead me to think that the self-love is missing and may be missing from your gf as well. Ever since then there has continued to be significant improvement in him so I gave him another chance. But, she wont believe me now. It only happens once in a while, like when i hear a song that reminds me of her. I just cant trust him fully I always feel hell do something to me again. He contacted me 10 days before going to France to look for a job. am thinking of surprising her soon going to see her Part of me says hes just gone too far this time. And i really do miss him so much always forever. He had an abusive disjointed childhood, witnessed domestic violence and was loved by only one parent. I fell out of love with my baby. Hes aware that he may have closed the door to us doing anything with other people completely. Well Ive done everything i can think of to take back and fix what Ive done. He decided to go abroad which I disapproved and he broke up with me for some months. I should have told him the truth, but i really want to... 2016 we have been together for nearly 6 years, 3 of which are married give him a break think! Not leave unless i get a restarining order on him and told him that it over! Had that fall out hes like a changed man Ideas for a First! I should have told him that it is over but in actual sense i still love guy!, holding in those feelings makes it worse him deeply off visitation and didnt call for awhile getting together..., and has no Family close by when we cant do anything a crush on someone else help. 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